biopsy and after effects

My husband and I awoke at 5:30 a.m. on Wed. Oct. 30th and drove an hour to UCSD, checked in, got the IV tapped into my vein by a talented phlebotomist, answered loads of questions to my attending nurse, was given an Ativan by the Anesthesiologist to tuck under my tongue to reduce initial anxiety, and then they began the IV cocktail of Fentanyl and Versed for the pain and anxiety.  I had about 6 guys working with and on me in tight surgical quarters that would have seemed claustrophobic if I was of sound mind, and it felt a little: 'Fire In The Sky,' especially because I had a sheet over my head while they were needling my throat.  All of these nurses and Dr.s were gentle and kind men.  I spoke with all of them and truly felt like I was in caring hands.  The Radiologist had completed thousands of biopsies, and I also felt assured that I was in very capable hands.  At one point during the procedure, I heard the Radiologist repeat to his crew that the Pathologist needed better extractions, so they needed the coring needle to take larger chunks out.  Finally they got what they needed, and I was able to rest.  My hunky Aussie nurse who had set the Pandora station to my preference to ensure my comfort during the biopsy, walked me through the hospital and waited with me for Dominic to pull our car around.  He was a sweet soul.  I slept a little on and off the whole way home, in between bouts of nausea, but as soon as I ate I felt wonderful.  I slept most of the day and night without disturbance when I finally got home around 11:30 a.m.

They next day (yesterday) I was a little tired, but in positive spirits.  I rested as much as my daughter would allow.  At 2 years old, she requires quite a bit from me in general, but it's as though she sensed I was off, because she allowed me to rest and was contented by some baby tv.  After our nap time we dressed in make up and costume to go trick or treating with friends.  I was exhausted, but seeing her experience Halloween with her BFF and knock on the doors together receiving candy with exuberant smiles and giggles was so worth it!

Today though, I feel like shit!  My throat is still sore, I didn't sleep well last night.  I feel exhausted and hormonal.  I have a short fuse with Wren (my daughter) who is in full blown terrible twos!  I feel guilt with my anger and frustrations with her as she's doing everything to test, but too tired to work with her in the way she needs me to.  All I want to do is sleep or cry.  I feel off and unlike myself.  I cancelled my 2 yoga classes tomorrow morning.  My boss is thankfully subbing for me.  I love her, she's such a wonderful person.  I just don't have it in my to teach and inspire others.  I feel so low energy that all I want to do is sleep, which is what I'm about to do right now.

Next week sometime I'll hear results.

On the positive though, I've restarted painting with watercolors.  I'm using art therapy to help me work through my feelings and express myself.  It's been such a joy to express my creativity!  I can't wait until I have my energy back so that I can start being active again.  I miss hiking and biking.  All in due time.